Sunday, March 29, 2009

Parental Advisory

ARGH!!!!!!!! What has happened to the parents in today's society? Have we all lost the sense of responsibility to the children that we have brought into this world? Do we think so little of how we, as parents, have a large part in the adults that these children are going to become? I would really love to know. It seems like lately I have had my fair share of run ins with some really idiotic people that have been thrust into the role of parenthood, but don't really want to be in that role.

This past weekend has been one incident after another. On Saturday we were at the local roller rink for a friend's birthday party and I witnessed some children taunting each other. Now I know that this happens often, but that does not make it "right." What I saw was 2 little boys chasing a younger girl, marking remarks about her race, her hair, her lack of skating experience, etc. Well this little girl began chasing them, and it became quite the game for these boys. After about an hour I guess this young girl had enough and pushed the one smaller of the 2 boys down and he got hurt. He hit his head on the pool table as he fell to the ground and immediately got a huge egg on his forehead. I am not condoning the fact that this girl laid her hands on this boy. I would never tell my children to resort to this kind of behaviour but I can certainly understand it. A person, not matter what their age, can only handle so much verbal attacking before they snap. It happens often. But, the point of this is the conversation that I heard of the mother of this injured boy having with her son. She was explaining to him that this young girl had no right to lay her hands on him even though he was teasing her. She went on to tell him that kids will be kids and they need to learn to deal with teasing/taunting but it is never ok to lay your hands on somebody. SINCE WHEN is it ok to verbally abuse somebody? This is basically what this young boy was doing. He was taunting her about the fact that she had numerous braids in her hair, he was teasing her about the color of her skin, and would skate circles around her and then when she fell over he would laugh and then skate away. How is this OK?!?! Granted he wasn't really touching her or physically "abusing" her, but this does not make it right. It is NEVER ok to verbally attack another person based on their race. I was dumbfounded that this mother was basically condoning her child's bigotry and telling him that it was ok because he wasn't "beating" her. The thing of it was I really think this mother thought that she was doing the right thing. The  mother of the young girl confronted her about why her daughter was being reprimanded by the skate guard and the mother of the young boy said 'well your daughter pushed my son down because he was teasing her and now he is hurt.' WOW! SERIOUSLY?!?! This mother had absolutely no regard for the fact that this young girl was probably hurting as well, not physically, but emotionally. It is NEVER fun being teased/taunted. I feel that most times those words hurt a lot more and a lot longer than a bump on the head. I cannot believe that this mentality is still so prominent. Just because you don't have a bruise to show for the pain does not mean that the pain does not exist. *sigh

So...onto yet another incident this weekend. The girls and I went to see Godspell. While we were there apparently Matt's mom walked over with Matt's nephew (S=nearly 7yo) to borrow a tool. Well she went to leave and S wanted to stay to play with Dawson, and Matt allowed this despite the fact that we have always had issues when he was here. He is not the most pleasant child to be around and he is just down right mean and nasty at times. He has smacked Dawson with a heavy maglite flash light because Dawson told him it was time to clean up, he has purposely run into the tires of the kids bikes, making them wreck, while he was riding with them because they were riding faster than he was and a bunch of other little petty stuff. It never fails that he and Dawson fight and one of them ends up hurt after 30 mins or so of being together. But was no different. S hit Dawson with a play sword because Dawson refused to give him a bakugan, and Matt went in and reprimanded them, and then wiped  Dawson up, and gave him some ice for his eye. Well during this time S stayed in the kids room until Matt's brother came to get him. Well we thought nothing of it....until Ky went to bed. She went to put some cash back into an envelope she had where she was keeping her birthday money and noticed that she was missing $70. Mind you this money was in an envelope with a gift card that was actually INSIDE of a larger birthday card sized envelope. Ky came up bawling hysterically that she was missing money and she was blaming Dawson for touching it. Well that money had been sitting there for nearly 3 wks UNTOUCHED despite the fact that there were 6-7 kids in and out of there during this time, with a few actually sleeping over. We came to the conclusion that S had to have taken it. There is no other explanation for it. Matt called his brother and told him about what happened and he called S's mother. S was confronted by his mother, who supposedly searched him and found jsut a "few" dollars on him, but who knows with her. She is an addict and I really wouldn't put it past her....or Matt's brother for that matter to find the money and use it for their next fix. S denies taking it, but that's not a shocker either. I know this child has some serious issues. He is a pawn in a game that his mother and father are playing. It really is a shame,  but I cannot allow this to slide. Children learn from example and it really isn't a shock that he is resorting to this type of behaviour. He knows that his father is an addict. S was with him when he was arrested for buying heroin. S has witnessed him stealing from his mother (Matt's mom.) There have been many other incidents but I will just let it go. These parents are so unfit it is unreal. Their lack of concern for this child is apparent. I hate that their actions are affecting my children negatively.

I know that I cannot protect my children from all of the negativity in the world today. In fact I am probably more open about how much negativity there is in this world than a lot of parents out there. I do not censor much. I am pretty straight forward with nearly every subject. If they ask about something I do tell them honestly as much as they want to know. However this does not mean that I want them to be hurt, or blatantly disrespected, or anything along those lines. I want them to be able to trust people, especially family. If you cannot trust those that are supposed to be the closest to you, the ones that are supposed to love you unconditionally, the ones that are supposed to stand by you when times are tough, the ones that are supposed to pull you out of hard times, who in the hell can you trust? I know that I have some serious trust issues because of pain and hurt that was caused by those that I thought loved/cared for me in my family. I do not want that for my children. This is one of the major reasons that I have cut many of my family members from our lives. I refuse to allow these people to inflict hurt and pain onto them with their actions and blatant disregard for others.

A huge number of children today seriously lack a good role model and this is going to affect the future of the world. I am not really looking forward to that. I can only hope that there are more children out there that do have somebody in their lives that teach them how to be a respectful adult.


.....where to start.

so close, yet worlds apart.

Do as I say.....

....not as I do. This seems to be the mind set that the majority of the American society has, especially in regards to our youth. The new generation of youth are the most inconsiderate, disrespectful in the nation over the past few decades. We, as a society, have created these "monsters" with our do as I say not as I do attitude. I have always led by example when it comes to my children. My children see my holding doors for elderly people, or people with strollers, or people in wheelchairs, so therefore my children do the same without even being asked (most of the time anyway). When I ask my children to do something it comes with a 'please do ......' and when they do I am sure to thank them for the assistance. It comes without even it should because it is BASIC ETIQUETTE. This isn't something that is taught in a 4 yr college or anything. It is simple manners people. This is all brought upon by a recent trip to the zoo. We were visiting the zoo and as we were leaving the aquarium there was a lady with a double stroller and another younger child in toe so Dawson immediately (without being asked) opened the 1st set of doors for her and I went through, said thank you and opened the 2nd set. Well the lady went through along with about 10 other sets of visitors and only ONE couple (an elderly couple that passed through last) said Thank you to Dawson for holding the door....ok I know people are ignorant and rude at times, but apparently they had some basic manners because they ALL said Thank you to me. WTF?!?! My 7 yo son is not worthy of a thank you after holding the door for your ignorant ass passed through it. I know he THINKS he has super powers, but I can assure you he was NOT using his invisibility powers that day. I know they saw him, but they thought so little of him that they passed by him without the courtesy of saying thank you. UGH I was furious, but knowing Dawson....I knew he would handle it in his own way..and he did. He said LOUD enough for them to hear 'You're Welcome!'

That's my boy!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Individulistic Doer

So I took this personality test...and this is what it says about me. What do ya think?

Individualistic Doer (ID)

Individualistic Doers are self-assured and very independent people. They are quiet and realistic, very rational, extremely matter of fact people. They strongly cultivate their individualism and enjoy applying their abilities to new tasks. But they are also very spontaneous and impulsive persons who like to follow their sudden inspirations. Individualistic Doers are good and precise observers who register everything which goes on around them. However, they are not so sensitive as regards interpersonal relations and are surprised when they occasionally rub someone up the wrong way with their direct and blunt manner. They are not particularly fond of obligations; but if you give them space, they are uncomplicated, sociable and cheerful individuals.

Individualistic Doers enjoy challenges - action and the odd kick are simply part of their life. They love tempting fate and many people of this type have risky hobbies such as skydiving or bungee jumping. This also applies to their workaday life. Individualistic Doers are in top form in critical situations; they can grasp situations, make decisions and take the necessary steps extremely quickly. Hierarchies and authorities impress them very little; if a superior is not competent, they will have little respect for him. Individualistic Doers like to take on responsibility. They have a marked sense of reality and always find the most suitable and expedient solution for a problem. They resolve conflicts openly and directly; here, they sometimes lack tact but are also very good at taking criticism themselves. Learn more about the Individualistic Doer at work ...

As friends, Individualistic Doers are loyal and devoted; they only have a few friendships but many of them last a lifetime. People enjoy talking to them because of their optimistic attitude to life and their ability to listen. However, they prefer to talk about mutual interests and hobbies rather than about theoretical or philosophical issues - they are not tangible enough for them. They need a lot of freedom and time to themselves in love relationships but, at the same time, they are also very tolerant towards their partners. It happens very seldom that Individualistic Doers fall head over heels in love. They are far too rational. They prefer to pick their partner on the basis of mutual interests and preferences which they want to share with that partner. Individualistic Doers are not particularly fond of effusive outbursts of emotion. They prefer to prove their love by their actions and expect the same of their partner. Whoever wishes to tie an Individualistic Doer to himself needs a lot of patience. It takes some time before this personality type is willing to get involved with another person.

All Doers love their freedom, but if there were a prize for independence and autonomy, you would win it. You need your personal space more than all others, and if your partner sticks to you like Velcro, you quickly feel constrained in your independence and individuality, not to speak of the fact that a person like that could not hang on to you for good. For that reason, you should carefully pick a partner who can deal with being alone, and does not get nervous when he/she has to spend an evening or even an entire vacation by him/herself. For you, a relationship is a nice and certainly a worthwhile addition to life. However, you don’t think your existence would be incomplete without one. Therefore, you are not in danger of jumping into an unrewarding relationship out of desperation; you’d rather wait until the right person crosses your path.

After all, you are a head person who does not fall in love blindly; you wonder whether your counterpart will complement you, and whether the stars favor a relationship. For impetuous personality types, you can be a true challenge, because it can take you quite a while to express your feelings. Even then, you don’t start with flying colors, but rather, you keep your handbrake engaged, and a hand on your ejection seat so that you can quickly escape in the case of doubt. Your freedom is always more important to you than a relationship where you would have to make too many compromises for your taste.

Your inner independence certainly does not mean that you are not willing or able to commit yourself to another person, on the contrary. Once you have decided on someone, you invest a lot in your relationship, albeit more with action than passionate vows of love. Then you are very sensitive toward your partner, and quickly register what he/she wants or needs at that moment. You support him/her loyally, faithfully, and with commitment when he/she needs your help. Whomever you love always has a reliable comrade-in-arms on his/her side.

If one wanted to characterize you with one word, it would probably be “independent.” Few types are as freedom loving and individualistic as you (nomen est omen.) You should find a working environment where rules and structures play a secondary role, where the hierarchies are flat and where you won’t be limited to detailed projects and work flows. Your freedom to act cannot be large enough as far as you are concerned. You want to deal with things in the way you think it makes sense; how they relate to your own (high) standards and you don’t need others telling you how things must be done.

Titles and established authorities don’t impress you in the least. If someone is competent in your eyes, you have no problem occasionally listening to him/her. If he/she is not, there is no way that you’ll obey his/her instructions just because he/she has got a sign with “department manager” hanging on their door. Furthermore, you are all for equal rights and would prefer that everybody have the same rights.

Deadlines and obligation are just as much anathema to you as is long-term planning. In regulated and hierarchic environments, your direct manner can also get you into trouble. Not all bosses appreciate constructive criticism. Could it be that you already got into trouble in school because you did not feeling like learning something because you believed it to be irrelevant? It is almost impossible for you to silently put up with a dreadful situation in order to avoid conflict. In not too conservative and authoritarian settings, your contribution will probably be more appreciated than in other traditional professional environments.

Adjectives which describe your type
introverted, practical, logical, spontaneous, adventurous, resolved, independent, fearless, loyal, analytical, realistic, optimistic, interested, quiet, curious, circumspect, individualistic, action-loving, venturesome, cool, dispassionate, reserved, skilful, confident, independent, communicative, down-to-earth

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Why try?

Seriously....why try? I wish I knew. I am always trying to be the "bigger person" when it comes to dealing with my mother. This woman has put me through hell and back, and yet somehow I still end up being the adult in the situation. There have been many times that I have told myself that I wasn't going to do it anymore. I was not going to maintain contact with her, I was not going to allow her to affect her the way she does. However it never happens quite as planned. For some reason I end up feeling guilty because my children really have a lack of involvement from their grandparents. I want them to know their grandparents, I really do. However when they are less than interested there really is nothing that I can do about it, but it still hurts me just the same. I want them to have a grandparent that is involved in their lives and wants to see them as often as they can, but I have come to terms with the fact that my children just aren't that important to her, even though according to her it is my fault that she doesn't see them. Apparently I withhold them from her, because you know she calls OH so much to see them. My younger 2 really don't know her, nor does she know a thing about them. They don't really address her as grandma, but can you blame them? I want to say Dawson has seen her maybe 3-4x a yr since he was born, most of the time for all of about 10 mins. They refuse to get close to her, she will ask for a hug and they just look at her like she is freaking insane. Apparently this is my fault as well. I have brainwashed them into not liking her.
It really is a shame because my children are missing out as well. But I have to get over this. My children ARE better off without her in their lives. There will never be a broken promise, they will never have to see her battered and bruised because she insists on allowing a man to beat her, they will never have to hug her and wonder what the stench is coming off of her. They will never have to hear her tell them 'I have given you everything....oh right except love' (and yes she did once tell me that)

I will no longer allow her any control of my life. I will not invite her to another function, however I will behave if I do see her at a family function. I will continue to be the adult, I have always been when it comes to her. But, I have come to realize that I am better off without her as are my children.