52 books in 52 weeks....

The goal is to read one book (at least) a week for 52 weeks. The rules are very simple:

1. The challenge will run from January 1, 2010 through December 31, 2010.
2. Participants may join at any time.
3. All forms of books are acceptable including e-books, audio books, etc.
4. Re-reads are acceptable as long as they are read after January 1, 2010.
5. Books may overlap other challenges.
6. Create an entry post linking to this blog.
7. Come back and sign up with Mr. Linky in the "I'm participating post" below this post.
8. You don't have a blog to participate, I can set you up as a reviewer.
9. I'll be adding a post with Mr. Linky for participants to post book reviews.

Check out for more information.

http://read52booksin52weeks.blogspot.com/2009/12/2010-read-52-books-in-52-weeks.html

Sober.....or.....my life according to my music...

RULES: 1. Put your mp3 player, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle. 2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. 3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.


IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Motherless Child (John Legend)

...interesting.....very interesting

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
A Walk Through Hell (Say Anything)

lmfao!!!! This is my life....totally!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
My Sacrifice (Creed)

hahaha....I don't think so....

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I Saw (Matt Nathanson)

 

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Want It All (Queen)

again...I don't think so...but I do know what I want...

 

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
U + Ur Hand (P!NK)

hahahhah yep....

 

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)

k I guess....

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Wonderful (Rob Thomas)

ya I don't believe that for one minute.....

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
American Pie (Don McLean)

....umm.....ok

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Space Cowboy (Steve Miller Band)

????

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Finale B (Rent)

just weird....

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Slice (Five For Fighting)

these lyrics are pretty good....and fitting...

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

My Hero (Foo Fighters)

yep...totally...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Beautiful  Girls (Sean Kingston)

hahahha......hahahhaha...yep yep!!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
3 AM (Matchbox 20)

well there will never be a wedding...sooo

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Me Love (Sean Kingston)

:)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I'm A Queen (India Arie)

Yep....this song is me....not my interest but me.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? 
Hold Me Twice

hmmmmmm

 
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ain't That America (John Cougar Mellancamp)

haha...

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Slow Dance (John Legend)

yep!!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Today for You (Rent)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Sober (P!NK)

...and they never cease to amaze me...

...sometimes in not so good ways, other times in just utterly amazing tender moments. As all of you should know by now, I don't censor much. I have never been the parent to hide away behind locked doors to discuss life under any circumstance. If anything in life happens, good or bad, my children most liking will know about it if they care to pay attention to what we are talking about. This past week has certainly been a crazy one and just as every week that has past my children have heard me discussing a lot of issues surrounding everything that is going on. Well these children have never ceased to amaze me. Dawson has been really trying to figure out ways to make $50 so that he can trade his DS in for a DSi at Game Stop. He has been devising all sorts of ways that he can make money, and this morning as the snow fell he grew excited at the prospect of being able to shovel some snow for a few dollars to put towards his savings. He knows that as Christmas and his birthday are approaching he will end up with some money from that. So as we were snuggled under a warm blanket on the couch, he turns to look up at me and says....Mum....I just want to let you know that if gram needs something done I will do it for her and if she tries to give me money for Christmas or my birthday I am going to give it back to her because she needs it more than I do. Immediately I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot believe that this young boy....my young boy....has realized that no matter what you think you need there is always somebody else who needs something more than you do. If only people kept this mentality as they aged. All the doubt about my parenting that I had last night was washed away. I know that I *am* indeed making an impression of these young minds. They are taking in everything that I tell then and show them and using if for a greater good. I couldn't be more proud of them.

Gone....yet still here....

Main Entry: ¹ba·by

Pronunciation: \ˈbā-bē\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural babies

Etymology: Middle English, from babe

Date: 14th century

1 a (1) : an extremely young child; especially : infant (2) : an extremely young animal b : the youngest of a group
2 a : one that is like a baby (as in behavior) b : something that is one's special responsibility, achievement, or interest

 

My baby is gone. It's official. She is a 16yo young woman.

As I sit here tonight pondering exactly what I am feeling as we push through all of these milestones in her life's journey I couldn't help but look back at what I wrote in THIS BLOG POST a few years back. I was just as emotional that night as I am this evening...however back then, words didn't escape me as they do now. I know that the drama that I have endured this week if part of what is leaving me without words. I am sitting here and cannot help but wonder if I am making the correct decisions in regards to my children's lives. There are times that I wonder if I am too lenient on them. I am a liberal parent, as most people know, and I do often wonder if the fact that I am is going to hinder them in any way as they grow. In my mind, the fact that I allow them experience life uncensored allows them to do just that, experience life. By giving them a lot of control over their own lives I think it has shaped their personality and the people that they are becoming.

I still can't help but doubt myself at times, especially now that my baby is grown. Have I showed her enough to keep her safe? Have I done my job as a parent well enough to enable to her to look back and make a good decision when faced with a tough situation? I hope that I have. I hope that despite all the teasing and joking around that we do that she has actually taken me seriously when we talk about serious issues. I guess all that we can hope for is our best....hope that we have done enough in the short time that we have their undivided attention to make an impression on them.

I still have no words for how I am really feeling though. I am sad...sad for the fact that my baby is gone....sad for the fact that I know that I have to contend with many other influences in her life right now....sad for the fact that the dangers out there have increased by 100% now that she is able to operate a motor vehicle. On the other hand....I am happy....happy for the fact that I have a wonderful relationship with her...and all of my children....happy for the fact that I am as involved in her life as I am....and happy for the fact that she is...well...happy. (most of the time anyway) I am also grateful.....grateful for the fact she is such an amazing young woman....grateful for the fact that she is my daughter....grateful for the fact that I have her in my life.

There are times that I wish I could stop time, this is one of them...actually more like a week ago, when I still had a 15 yo girl. I know that physically nothing much has changed over the course of the week, but this week has been a week of emotional growth and maturity on both of our parts I think. I have realized that no matter how much I doubt, I need to be confident in the fact that I did my job.

We have made it 16 years without incident and I cannot complain about the journey that she has taken me on, there have been a few bumps in the road but nothing so steep that we haven't been able to pull through. She truly is an amazing young woman, so thoughtful, so compassionate, so full of life!

Baby girl, I hope you know that I am proud of you and love you dearly. I hope that you continue on this journey just as you are now....taking life in your hands and LIVING it to the fullest! Keep on going and don't look back but know that I will be there to help you up if you fall, just as I have been these past 16 years. Life can be crazy, just remember to stay true yourself and to what you believe. If this is the only "lesson" that you take from me, I will have done my job. It  really is the most important thing to remember. Nothing else matters! I love you more than you know.

Unbelievable.....

I have never in my wildest dreams believe that I would be thrown into a situation that I am currently in and I can honestly say that I am not exactly the most trusting person out there. In fact it would be safe to say just the opposite. I am very untrusting on pretty much everybody, I have been through quite a bit in my life and I have seen so much hurt, despair and deception that it could last a few people a lifetime. With that said, I can sit back and say that I am completely dumbfounded at the lack of compassion that a daughter can have for her mother. Let me give you a brief run down of what has been going on recently.

My grandmother has been fairly sick the past few months. She has COPD, yet still continues to smoke, has rheumatoid arthritis, yet refuses to take her meds and do physical therapy, and has what we are pretty certain is early Alzheimer's. Well she has been pretty sick and for the most part home bound since late summer, so my aunt had stepped in to take over cleaning the house and paying her bills. Well over the weekend we realized that she wasn't doing well at all and decided that  it was time to go to the hospital. I kind of just stepped into the role of "agent" for my grandmother because of my outspokenness and knowledge of the medical field. Everybody in the family at that point was absolutely fine with me taking over that role, especially after they say me fighting with the ER doc about HIPPA laws. But anyway.....gram ended up being admitted to the hospital for observation and a few tests because they thought she had an obstruction. The following day we all got together and discussed as a family about what needed to happen. We came to the agreement that I would take over medical power of attorney and my aunt that was supposedly paying the bills was going to continue to do that but we were going to get together every 3 months to make sure that things were all in line.

On Monday, we find out about some financial issues that were going on....ie property liens for back taxes, defaulted loans etc. So we were wondering what was going on with all that because my aunt G was supposed to be helping my gram with paying bills. Aunt (G), who was handling gram's finances, comes to the hospital wreaking of alcohol and stumbling drunk. Well we were meeting with the social worker to go over all the paperwork for the POA. Aunt G goes on a tirade as we are talking to the social worker about how this was all bullshit that we were handing control over to "the baby" and that I was a power tripping control freak. Ok....so I will cop to the control freak because at times I can be, however I rarely am on a power trip. So....Aunt G stomps off saying that she needed to get out of there. Well something just wasn't setting right with me. I could tell something was off. Aunt G knew that I was going to push and dig into things as to why bills weren't being paid etc. So, I leave after all the papers are signed and go to gram's house to check into some things. Well while I was there I found shut off notices for utilities and other paperwork that indicated that none of these bills were being paid. So  Tuesday morning I went with my paperwork to the bank to get a copy of my grams most recent statement only to find that aunt G has been basically robbing my gram blind. There was $860 in cash withdraws from my gram's account along with $105 grocery bill that was placed on her bank card. PLUS charges for 2 new bank cards that were issued to my aunt and her boyfriend. I took the paperwork into the hospital to discuss things with my gram. She told me that she gave Aunt G the card to purchase groceries for Thanksgiving dinner because she was going to bring some to my gram and my uncle. However my gram didn't think that it was going to be $105...also Aunt G ended up with consent from my gram to withdraw money to pay the bills. She was supposedly withdrawing cash and then putting it into her bank account to pay my gram's bills. Well I ended up spending all of Wed calling all of the utility companies and everything only to find out that that none of the bills were paid since August. She was months behind and services were going to be terminated because my aunt took the money that my gram thought was going to her bills and snorted it up her nose and drank it away.

I cannot believe that somebody would go as low as to steal from their aging and ill mother and basically leave her with NOTHING. NO food, NO house, NO heat, NOTHING! My gram was under the impression that my aunt cared, she was stopping at her house daily with food for her, going to the store for her and everything....and now she is left feeling used by this situation. I cannot even begin to imagine.

I was in a situation similar to this, but it was my brother stealing from me. I was not nearly as frail as my grandmother, and thankfully I caught it only after a few days so that I wasn't left with NOTHING. Right now we are unsure of how long this has been going on. My aunt supposedly has been doing the bills since June/July and that is right about when the bills had stopped being paid.

We are in the process of me taking POA over all of my gram's finances as well as medical decisions and I hope to be able to figure out just how much she has taken her for. We are debating on pressing charges because we actually think there is more to it. But let's not get into conspiracy theories without proper evidence now. I am just hoping this is the last of the drama for awhile because this week surely has been filled with it.